Yes Minister

The unbelievers have had a hard month . First we get a hung parliament ( which gives power to the truth ) and now,  we have a hung grand final ( which gives power to the unpredictable ) .The wannabes  may talk about paradigm change,  but the reality is ; they are not driving it , it's driving them  !   The hung ( sometimes keeping their place on the ladder is all they know )  think they are in charge,  ........but someone else more knowledgable clearly is.   All the certainties of the overly comfortable have been undermined.  How are Humphrey , His mentor (Sirif)  and Bern coping with all this ? Bern  Finally ....we have a leader SirH  They worry , BUT what about us . We normally know exactly what's going to happen, and just as much at election time,  as any .  We  know that whatever their brilliance, whichever Party they are ...  Whoever...

B ern    Do you really think they ( whoever they are)  thought long and hard ( as Shorten and Julie  stated) before Julia cut Kevin off ? SirH    "How long and how hard they think" ---- you have got to be joking putting all those words together mate.... in the one sentence .I thought I was getting you beyond the preooccupations of your limited education at   the school of mere description   Bern  At least the words individually are politically correct. SirH  "Long "and "hard"  is now a matter of personal interpretation  in the post modern jungle .Anyway,  what is  the moral justification in taking a long time to do things ? Be interesting to see how long it takes her to make decisions on policy in the time before the election. Bern  Those union people probably think any time at work is a long time . SirH  There you go -projection and illusion morality?   Maybe panic is slower than it us...

Bern to Sir H   Did you hear Kevin Rudd ( our PM ) give Kerry O'Brien (730report) a serve on the ABC last week . Lighten up Kerry Thought Rudd was right on the mark .The interviewer ,not the interviewee  , has the problem "  I was only joking mate !" What's O Brien  pushing the polls, the pedantry  and tea leaves stuff  .Both parties should know the fickle and avoid it - whenever they can . We can get any amount of that careless talk elsewhere. What's really worrying the wannabes in the ABC? Sir H  Maybe its projection - the followers  are worried about Rudd's anger because internally they haven't dealt with their own' They look like losing and they are ready to blame anyone but those who are really responsible ( cabinet ) Bern  So the leader becomes the focus of the limitations of the left SirH  Right on,  They don't know what they are doing and whe...

You have a problem ? Well just ban it ! That will solve it The news . 'Too many knives and knife damage' . MY decision: I've banned them The scene is a happy one . The minister feels he's done the right thing ; made a tough stand and dealt with the problem . Sir H is smiling too , in a way which means , he too is quite happy. Bern is not quite sure Bern to SirH  ....  but you know the history of prohibition and zero tolerance . Short term gain long term pain Aren't you worried it will backfire ? SirH on balnece NO-- just come back again . More decisions  for us . There are not many times he gets to make a decision so its importnat he feels and thinks he's making one sometimes . Also , it will please the people and it will bring more growth . I don't mind him making decsions that go nowhere but back to me . We get a new knives monitoring division and a new policy to counteract the effects of a zero tolerance policy . We are growing B...

The labor party is riding high, and YES, it worries us .See the LOCAL NEWS Our Mr Cheeseman is on a roll in Colac this week with another of his seminars on the future. This week its windmills, and he's is there fighting. Bern to Sir H Doesn't it ever worry you to see newchums always picking the new brumby called "the future" to ride . I know you sometimes think its good for ministers to get their own way. But surely there are times when the Minister is risking his future by choosing the expensive and fast option to the future. Sirh Not an easy call mate. As you say, sometimes they simply need to hit the brick wall or fall off . I mean your talking about the most common maladaptive disease ministers have - the quickfiz syndrome ? And one of the most costly ways to waste the people's money. Bern All those wacky ideas about how to change the world in one term of office. I guess you're right . Sirh Don't forget we are trained to deal with each c...

Bern Do you think The PM is worried that his love affair with hot air around the world could cost him the election? Is he worried by Barnaby 's reminder about John Hewsons advance of a new tax and its cost this week ? Will he, like Chamberlain, please the United Nations, but lose the people? Sir H I haven't detected that , I think they all still believe that they are doing the right thing and they will hold the confidence of the people till the election . Mind you having an assistant to the assistant minister for writing wongs doesn't sound awefully convincing ? Bern fair enough - I agree, they seem to be confident , but do you think the people are silly enough to fall for still more newly named carbon tokens and there ever changing implications ? Is not the whole basis for this grand new tax coming adrift? What are they aiming at oil , carbon dioxide or farts in general? Doesn't look like anyone is going to see the carbon dioxide-- carbon economy connection ...

Bern :Gee, you were hard on the PM's ideas yesterday. Have you ever really welcomed one of his ideas? SirH Not that I can think of. bern There was, I remember, that time when HE wanted YOU to look after some new department the govt had just created . They were really concerned about the environment being neglected , so they created a new deparment to focus on it . You didn't respond very well when he offered the job to you , but you said " yes" later with the thumbs up - not like you at all! Sirh yes true , But Bernard we always love it when they do the right thing bern its just not nice to sound too pleased - too supportive? Sirh Makes them suspicious .Also , if they knew we were wrapped ; that we agreed with them , they get nervous . After all, if they think about it too much they would realise they don't really like the idea of more departments. Got to maintain the illusion that this new departmnet will be one that THEY can control . Bern Fair enoug...

Bern :I notice that Bruce Esplin is still the commissioner of MDM for the B Victorian government . You'd think after all the many big fires and disasters during his term that Mr Esplin would have found something else to do? SirH Yes certainly you or me Bernard definitely. The point is Mr Esplin may not be appointed on how much he understands about disasters ---to know the extent of them within the governments responsibilities would be very dangerous and counterproductive. Bern : But he supposed to be independant and authorative Sir H : Yes , Just as we are supposed to be! Bern So where is the truth in all this ? Sir H You should know B , by now mate , that it's not the truth that matters, but which part of it. The wider truth is that disasters will happen, and governments can't always prevent them . However , what the PMR needs to do is make sure noone realises that its the very size of the disaster that demonstrates just how effective governments are in doing the...

December 2008 MIN Could you please make sure we send ALL of our old staff a christmas CARD in the next week or so . I have got a letter drafted and it needs to go soon ! SIRH Certainly sir I can try > we don't kep forwarding addresses for staff who leave? MIN why not ? SIRH sureley you don't want the PS to grow even bigger keeping track of files on subjects - esp those "no longer relevant" ? MIN just do it please - all of them BERN ( later ) what do you think he's on about humpy ?I notice hes got a little forwarding address and questionarre in the letter too . A blogger blog reference even too SIRH the minister is indeed full of ideas . Far too many infact Its important he doesn't get any more!We have enough trouble from those he creates from those we serve up to him . SIRH ( to mIN )Have tracked down many of the names of former employees . Just one thing about the letter . Do you think it might be easier if you let us collate the responses, rath...

Bern : What do you think about Brumbies mob trying to eliminate the influence of people with an interest in something in particular SirH Well , it's better that having people with an interest in everything and nothing in particular ----dominating ! Bern So what then do you do about those increasing numbers of people who just "want to have a day in the top job " or just want to push their own barrow in politics ? Sirh Simple bern simple---- we just just vote em out .Churchill said it wasn't perfect, but its the best we've got and mad they are that try to change it ! Bern Esp when they get cocky and think they are going to stop people like themselves from standing? SirH Just quietly mate, Just quietly!

Bern How do you think his THINK ads are going ? lots of calls on the 1800 number? SirH Don't ask. As far as ads go its going better than most, I feel sure. Nothing like distraction to add dollars to ours and others pockets. The idea is so lateral , its brilliant; it doesn't say anything: it doesn't say they are going to do something. Every paper and station in the country is rejoicing. Think of it--- its so simple ---so appealing . Bern The sort of idea every minister dreams of: says something, but says nothing . But why haven't the press picked up this element of the esoteric and the patronising ? Surely they can see its insulting to say to people --"think " SirH You mean, as if they don't already ? Bern yes but more like " think you idiot " SirH Dunno . lot of aussies seem to think you like them if you insult them ? Bern But No politician can afford to put his own intelligence above that of the people! SirH Bernard be careful -...

Bern : Do you think Kevin's visit to the end of the Murray will prove a turning point for his revolution in carbon taxing ? Sir H Dear Bernard ---it may seem to you, as it does to many, that we think ourselves wiser than those in charge . Tis of course true - most of the time . I just hope though, that noone ever forgets that some kings, like the famous old one one who gave counsel at the sea, were infact very capable leaders indeed . Bern : You think there is any parallel then ? SirH Who knows? I get feeling the team may have missed the amazing paradox of another meeting by the sea to sell the limits of public enterprise to the public . Canute was not confused about who need convincing and where the problem lay in bringing the public with him . Visiting the place where we realise our limits , is a not a place to proclaim one's own power . King kevin's hasty visit to the sea can't be compared to Canutes - Canute was wise enough and concerned enough about the...

Bern to sir H How do you think the Minister for childrens services will go defending the governments carbon trading policy tonight on lateline ? Sirh Ask me another question Bern " Do you think the PM Wong and Garret have read the Manhattan Declaration ? SirH Well who are they ? Bern over 500 scientists ....at a conference on climate change Sirh are they the sort that agree with our current wannabes? ....OK what did they say Bern There is no convincing evidence that the Co2 emissions from modern industrial activity has in the past , is now or will in the future , cause catatrophic climate change SirH Well......... of course they wouldn't have read it Bern Surely the PM need to be advised about it - Its a bit inconvenient if they ditch the whole "inconvenient truth " claim . we don't want to get the blame if he finds out that his change lady has got nowhere to change to . Siur h he may be happy just to know its an industry group driving the conferenc...

BERN ;( to sir humph: What did you think of Garnauts report BERN : rather thin eh? SIRH What did you expect, bernard the wannabes want it simple; so we give it to em that way BERN But it says nothing . really I mean the cow cockies wouldn't know whether the government wants their cows to piss, fart or belch . SIRH Me neither . tha'ts the idea bern - we need money to find out. to decide ( page 53) Its all about the future - our future . being able to keep researching till we get some answers BERN But what about the press they want garrett or wong to say something concrete . wong to say whats wong . SIRH No bernard, you have got it wrong . They have won the election that's what is was about . lights and mirrors. Labor created a problem they could solve to win an election . The solution is in the mirror. BERN But the press are going to focus in on ETS SIRH Thats fine bernard ;its a perfect mirror : whoever dreamed up ETS has long gone from reality therapy and ...

Copyright Bern How do explain this behavoir- Former PM's Mr Keatings outburst . He has had all the power in the world , and yet he seems like he can't leave it alone . Sir H Well , it is not a well known fact ( esp amongst the plebs) that having power is not the same as having power . Bern What has that got to do with the price of grumpy old men mate ? Sirh we'll you see; I expect that like many PM's he was surprised at how little he could do , even when he had the top job . So when someone appears to get action in the job , or gets it easy , they can feel miffed . Bern seems a bit childish, none the less . Sir H wel i am afraid Bern , if you want to realistic , that is the type of person we have to work with . Make the most of it Bernard and you will do well . Bern we are realists then eh ? Sirh You bet . Its hard getting someone who knows and thinks into the top job because its a place where angels fear to tread . Those whose sense of person exceeds thei...

Bern Did that Podger bloke talk to you Humfrey before he told the world we were just doing what we were told? That we were losing our independance . Sir H Come on mate don't be too depressed we don't ever DO what we are told do we bernard? Ever ? Not yet surely . Bern It just appears that we do ? .......Fair enough SirH because they like to go "offsite "sometimes . we like to embarass the minister occassionally and if he promotes that by not getting competent advice all the better for us ---in the long term . I mean he can pay big bucks to get independant advice a few times, but the parliament will cut his legs off if he makes it his innnovation par excellence - the new novelty of liberal politics ---as some have been doing . we get paid to keep going , whereas the poor old consultants have to come, accrding to competetive model hand in glove each and every time . Now the pipes are out turnbull is going to have to consult dam builders and flood control consu...

PM Did you notice how the opposition were really lost for words -watching the treasurer give the budget speech this week . Bern . Father christmas in may - pretty irresistable ! SirhH The cat and the cream PM VS the mangey dog? bern yes and opp comment " not what he said but what he didn't say" is a stale old one liner that that's crass and ........ Independant Insider ( thinking).....cuts no where . Like the failure of the opposition to put some clothes on the bare empty rhetoric about climate change and how the govt are "not doing enough" - You could HINT at what and why !. They both get a great chance to put some points but , ho hum they both prefere to play mum ---its dumb.......Neither party are really serious about getting beyond the superficial .Know there is no science there --where the public are? the shallow facade of sound forestry policy was was broken by 4 corners. but, the opposition can't seem to make more out of ...

Bern . Did you hear what the PM said in his major speech this week ? He seems to be taking the issue of climate change very seriously NOW . SirH . Yes I had noticed that he has banked on it being an issue at the next election . I think he's right . There will be a climate change before the end of the year . It' s been a bit dry, hasn't it. You heard it first on blogger .

Bern : Sir H, Don't you think it's good that Mr Howard has expressed concern over all the experienced people who have left our ranks over the last few years . The experienced ones's that leave early. SirH Yes Bernard , of course , but if they are going to stop them leaving, leaders need to make up their minds about who they really want in the job. Do they want Hares OR Tortoises? I don't think they really know! You see , they have wanted us to cultivate hares instead of tortoises for decades and we have been pretty good at doing what they ask for .Government on both sides obviously prefer the sweet monoculture of more speed to the substantial substance that comes from having experienced and diverse staff. Bern I see - Any impression of slowness in our institutions reflects on them . Sir H Got it

Bern ...One thing is starting to really disturb me about my job ? i thought the job was about integrity, telling the truth and doing what we agree on Sir H Whats the particular problem? B.. well nearly every time the PM says something "WE MUST DO " you almost always try to do the opposite ; stop him- and that means I don't know where to go Sir H Look at it this way, He doesn't often know what he wants so we have to help him . Even when he makes a strong impression that he "does know what he wants"; he'says he's made an important decision, its usually driven by circumstance,or by others. whether its doing what the greens want like---- closing up forest to burn , or giving grants to the burnt in reaction . The PM is good at firefighting and his firefighting team is growing in a way that will grant him a place in history . The PM, even when he has some idea of what he doing , B ( completing the idea ) ....is nearly always doing what others wa...